Blind Spots

How open are you to discover and work on some of your ‘blind spots’ in personality and behavior?

If you are brave enough, ask your spouse: What is a blind spot that would be helpful for me to know?
(Warning: Do not attempt this unless you can be safe and supportive. If you have low-grade ill will and distrust only volunteer what you think may be your own blind spot.)

Our Experience

Imagine my surprise the other night when I discovered that what I was brushing my teeth with was not Colgate Total but Voltaren Gel, an arthritis pain relief medicine. And since I am married to a former dental hygienist, my brushing begins with a generous amount of toothpaste and vigorous action of my electric tooth brush.

Because I have a vision impairment that has taken away central vision I am usually careful about what I pull out of my drawer. (I have to admit that my first response was to try to figure a way to blame Libby – which will illustrate perfectly one of my blind spots.)

Before I stopped driving and taking long, solo bike rides in the countryside I was an expert on blind spots.

Principle: It is impossible to know what you don’t see until you hit something.

Knowing and adjusting to our blind spots in our personality and behavior would prevent a lot of injuries.

“So, Libby, what is one of my blind spots that would be helpful for me to know about.”

“Well, we’ve talked about it before so I don’t think you are still blind to it, but certainly your anger was something you were not aware of.”

(I realized years ago that if you get angry when someone tells you that you are angry automatically gives up the high ground. That still might not keep you from doing your own Pickett’s Charge, but you will not survive that battle.)

Libby and I grew up in families that never yelled if there was conflict. Conflict was usually resolved quickly by a ruling from the Supreme Court – mom or dad, usually mom. Expressing anger was un-Christian.

Anger and irritability are predictable blind spots for men.

Although, women have their own way of wearing anger, usually finding its way through complaint and criticism.

One problem with anger as a blind spot, is that one always feels justified when angry. One would not be angry or frustrƒated if the other would just do the right thing.

Initially, my go-to defense was to say that Libby was “too sensitive.” (Oops, did you see the blind spot of sexism?)

If that didn’t work a “Are you saying that I am wrong?’ might have to be thrown in. Being right is important for some of us, but as Terrence Real writes, “You can either be right or married, but you cannot be both.”

Discovering that anger is a choice and not a requirement has made it less of a blind spot. Therefore, I can stay in a loving lane much easier and install guardrails where needed.

Next week: Libby’s Blind Spot, although being “too nice” is a more acceptable blind spot.

What blind spot are you working on?