The Power of Flirting – With Each Other
How does your spouse know that that you still notice them and are still attracted to them?
Our Experience
One of my favorite movies is Dave, the 1993 film starring Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver. Most of you are under fifty, but if interested can probably find it on Netflix or Prime.
Kevin Kline, (Dave) is a community development activist living in Washington, D.C. He has a side gig doing parties and events because he is a perfect lookalike to the current, older president. He is even hired to do an event for the president who afterwards takes a close look at him and says that he is good, except for the dumb smirk on his face.
That same night the president has a debilitating stroke while ‘with’ a staffer. The Chief of Staff orders a Secret Service agent to retrieve Dave, and the fun begins.
The president and the first lady (Sigourney Weaver) have a cold, loveless marriage, sleeping in separate bedrooms. Dave does such a good impression that she does not detect the deception. Until Dave begins to act like he has the power of the president and reverses a legislation that would cut funding for underserved children. That night back in their residence she confronts him and demands to know who he is and where is her husband.
Later, Dave asks her when she first began to suspect that he might not be her husband.
“When riding in the limousine with you, you noticed that my skirt was above my knee. I do not remember when my husband last looked at me like that.”
It is easy for a marriage to be cold and lifeless when it loses its affectionate playfulness. What I refer to as flirting.
I admit it, Libby’s initial reaction to my suggestion that we flirt more was mild ridicule.
“We’ve been together long enough to know that we’re here to stay. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going anywhere.”
“Besides, that just sounds like another way for me to fail,” she adds.
(Hmmm . . .I guess I need to ask her in another conversation to list the ways I have made her feel like she’s failing.)
But after her initial reaction, flirting became kind of a joke between us. We made fun of our attempts which usually followed with a, “How’s that? Was that flirting?”
Here are some things I’m noticing.
We are laughing more.
We are noticing each other more.
We are less serious and stressed.
Irritation, criticism and complaint have less opportunity to pop up. They don’t fit.
Personally, I feel like I am a better husband, more present, more lighthearted, patient and supportive.
Do your friends look at your marriage and think, “Wow, they really enjoy each other.”
Do your kids think the same?
Get flirting!
