Your Business/Pleasure Ratio

What would you say is the ratio between the business part of your relationship and the pleasure part?

90/10?

70/30?

50/50?

40/60?

Our Experience

If you have read many of these posts, you may have noticed that the first conversation to be had is one with yourself. And even if that is the only conversation you have, it will still do your marriage good.

This week’s prompt is a risky one because it could trigger disappointment, accusation or insecurity. Choose compassion instead.

Decades ago, Gary Smalley and John Townsend wrote The Two Sides of Love (1990, still in print), in which they suggested that some people are task-oriented, and others are people-oriented. (Don’t bother asking Libby if our life would be better if I were a little more task-oriented. I already know the answer.)

Regardless of what side of love you might be on, your relationship had to change drastically either before or shortly after getting married.

Initially, your only task was to get to know each other and your business/pleasure ratio was almost all pleasure. But
soon more tasks began to be added to your life together.

I will never forget when Libby suggested Friday night might be a good time to go to the grocery story.

What!!

Growing up, I never went to the grocery store. My mother did that on Saturdays. (I might be the cause of the
stereotype of lazy men not sharing the chores of life together.)

Research indicates that most couples have only two kinds of regular conversations: life-coordination and argument. John Gottman says that couples need to be as dedicated to fun, playfulness, enjoyment, romance and intimacy as
they are to anything else in their marriage.

So, it is good to check in on our business/pleasure ratio.

Ask yourself: How do I find pleasure in my spouse?

(That may sound self-centered but just a little reflection will make you a more pleasurable person.)

A little example happened for me the other night. We had some guests over for dinner who had never been to our house before. As Libby brought out the main part of the meal, she said:

“This is the first time I have ever made this.”

“Yikes,” I thought, even though Libby is a great cook.

It was fantastic! And we enjoyed the leftovers that week, each time appreciating her new discovery. (We’re hosting our Home Group of sixteen on Friday night and I’m thrilled that she is making it again.)

Such a small thing. But remembering it now makes me appreciate Libby more. And motivates me to enjoy her more.

How’s pleasure showing up in your relationship?