Heart Check

If your private conversations were recorded on video for a week, what might be observed about your marriage?

What might be observed about you?

Our Experience

This prompt can immediately make some of us, like me, feel guilty. Or worse, make us point a finger at our spouse.

Neither response would give us much insight or inspiration.

Sure, we might see some things that we would like to change. Imagine the relationship experts at the Gottman Institute studying the recording with you in the most minute detail.

“Did you notice how the fourth finger on your left hand started twitching when she asked if the two of you could talk?”

They would probably categorize the conversations according to different types, observing the percentage of each.

• Information Sharing

• Task Assigning

• Personal Updates

• Connecting Attempts

• IDDs: Irritations, Disagreements, Disappointments

• Criticism and Complaint

• Political Rant

• Triple A’s: Affection, Appreciation, Admiration.

• Playful Banter

I give Libby a lot of credit. She expresses appreciation often and easily. At times we do show our age and get a little snippy.

And, “Unbelievable,” is her usual response when once again I have proven that I do not see very well. Like the time I was greeting at church and welcomed her before recognizing her.

Whenever I am alert enough to notice that I am not being a very thoughtful or positive presence towards Libby, I am reminded of something Jesus said about what we say, that “out of the abundance of our heart our mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)

Daily I am learning to check my heart. Is it anxious, frustrated, self-occupied? Or is it calm, generous and thankful.

What might you learn from your interactions?