I Thought I Was a Hero

Have you ever thought you knew exactly what your spouse wanted but discovered that you did not?

Our Experience

I was so proud of myself. I knew she would be surprised and happy with what I did.

Last weekend Libby and I were staying with one of our son’s and his family.

The first morning, after taking a shower, Libby said to my son and his wife:

“Your shower has a lot of water pressure. Ours is so much less.”

Later, I noticed the same thing.

Inspired, I decided that when we got home, I would “fix” our shower by taking the shower head off and removing the water restrictor. So, I snuck a wrench and some pliers up to the bathroom and secretly removed the restrictor. I was excited to turn on the shower and see the blast of spray. I couldn’t wait until Libby discovered our new shower.

The next morning, while on the phone I heard Libby in the bathroom. Could this be the moment? I hoped so.
Sure enough. I could hear the roar of the shower. Afterwards I was surprised to not hear anything from her. I gave her plenty of time to be excited about what I had done.

I finally knocked on the door, entered and saw that she was almost dressed. Still nothing.

“How was your shower,” I asked.

She spun around with a look of horror on her face.

“I hated it!”, she exclaimed.

“I’m a nervous wreck from that shower! It made me frantic!

I don’t know when I will be able calm down.”

“It hurt. I felt like I had to finish as quickly as I could, that I was wasting so much water.”

Yikes. Here we go. A fork in the road depending on my response. I had a choice. Do I get defensive and go on the attack?

“But you said this weekend that you liked their water pressure.”

“You’re impossible to please! I don’t know why I try.”

My response?

I laughed and so did she when she saw my shock at her response.

Then I clarified.

“You didn’t want our pressure to be as strong as theirs?”

“No, I was knocked against the wall.”

All I had to do was ask her before I did anything. But I thought I could read her mind.

“Well, we can get a new shower head,” I said.

“No, I’ll just shower in the other bathroom,” she replied.

“That would be silly, to make our master bathroom off limits for showers from now on,” I said.

Another important lesson in this conversation has to do with the difference between a complaint and a criticism.

Do you know the difference?

The explanation will have to wait until next week.

What happens when you misread your spouse’s mind?