Preoccupied

How do you keep track of what occupies your mind the most?

How do you manage to occupy your mind with the things that matter the most in your life, including your marriage?

Our Experience

I never knew how preoccupied I was until I tried not to be.

And I certainly did not know how self-involved I was until I started being more intentional about my relationship with Libby.

You know the adage about the “squeaky wheel?”

Well, Libby never learned how to squeak. She was too busy oiling everyone else’s wheels. Often before they even had a chance to squeak.

The normal demands and stresses of life, family, health, house, finances, and work were more than enough to keep me preoccupied.

Add to that my goal to do extraordinary things for God, and you get the picture.

A Pinball Machine Life.

Flippers, lanes, bumpers, targets, and bells.

In the book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, clinical psychologist, Lindsay C. Gibson makes the point that self-preoccupation prevents the development of healthy attachments in relationships. Her focus is on parent-to-child attachments, but the same is true in all relationships.

Three questions are helping me turn my attention to knowing, loving and supporting those closest to me, starting with Libby.

What?

Why?

How?

With what am I most preoccupied? Where does my mind go when not engaged in a task, when I’m getting ready for the day, when I am by myself, when I lay down at night?

Why do those things preoccupy me? If anxieties, where do they come from? Which come from deep insecurities that I have yet to discover and deal with? If politics, what am I watching or seeing in social media? Where might I be trying to escape, keep myself entertained?

How might I direct my mind to things that matter most?

Like “set my mind on things above,” eternal matters. Colossians 3:1.

How might I develop habits that preoccupy me with Libby?

One practical thing I do is keep a journal (on my computer) which is risky if one would like to be less self-preoccupied.

But it helps me keep track of how Libby is doing, what’s going on in her life, her joys, her stresses, her insights.

Anything I can do that will help me think about her when she is not around, which is not the same thing as worrying about her, or making sure I am not in trouble will help me be more present to her when she is around.

How are you learning to be occupied with the best things?