Bored and Grumpy

What do you do when one or both of you is bored and grumpy?

Our Experience

Libby: Would it help you to know that I am bored and grumpy?

Hmmm . . I thought. I wonder if she would make this a multiple-choice test. I do much better with multiple choice.

We had had a busy day full of responsibilities. Some were fun, like getting double cheeseburgers at the new Wendy’s with our six-year-old grandson who was wearing his hat backwards. We also had a coupon for a frosty, he getting cookies and cream and me getting caramel crunch.

But I noticed by the end of the day that I was a little “’out of sorts.” I told Libby this in my attempt to have a self-attitude adjustment.

So, her question was her way of saying, “Me too.”

Although I instantly felt her adding boredom to the mix was raising the ante a bit.

Listening to negative emotions is usually a challenge for couples. It is especially a challenge if you are a Christian because you assume that if you had enough faith, were trusting in God, were doing what Jesus would do you would never be angry, irritable, sad, anxious, etc. (That’s why we Christians are some of the most emotionally immature people on the planet. See Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero.)

Hearing negative emotions from our spouse can be so threatening that our instant reflex is to avoid, dismiss, fix, blame or shame our spouse.

I was proud of Libby for her response to what I said. Not too many years ago she would have immediately kicked into gear to do whatever she could to make me feel better.

Technically, that’s called codependency.

But she has learned something life-changing.

She counts.

Rats!

I liked being the center-of-attention for both of us.

How did our conversation end?

It hasn’t yet.

We bookmarked it. We were too grumpy to be supportive and constructive.

We did demonstrate though that the space between us is safe and will be safe. That we are here to support each other.

How do you keep things safe between you when you are “out of sorts?”