Your Personal Vision

Who do you aspire to be in your marriage?

Our Experience

“We all long to be perfectly held, perfectly met, perfectly understood.”

- Terrence Real, Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, page 115.

That sounds good unless you are too distant, too frustrated, too hurt, too disappointed, too neglected, or too numb to want to be close. But wouldn’t it be nice to be perfectly held?

Such a noble statement of intimacy may make you think of the deficits of your spouse. Or the reverse. You might instantly be reminded of how well you feel met and understood by your spouse.

But what if you aspire to be the one who perfectly holds, who perfectly meets, and perfectly understands?

That is up to you.

The other day Libby had to have a root canal. A cracked tooth was causing a lot of pain. She spent a week on an antibiotic to “calm the tooth down.” Still, it took nearly three hours in the chair.

She was relieved when it was over and that night she said something curious.

“Thank you for being so sympathetic. I really appreciate that you care.”

“What else could I have been,” I wondered aloud.

Then it occurred to me. I could have been preoccupied with what I was trying to get done that day. I could have been dismissive of her pain or even annoyed. “Don’t wait, go get it fixed.”

I got caught being caring. Imagine that.

But that’s who I aspire to be.

What about you?

Who do you aspire to be in your marriage?